I see what you said there - the origins of ridiculous sayings 5/24/2015

I started this blog off today by writing about favorite colors.  Then I deleted that one.  Then I though t I would write about not knowing what to write about.  Then I deleted that one.

Then I found myself hard at work not doing anything productive so I was tooling around online and looking up one of my favorite things - and apparently the impromptu topic for this weeks words:

THE ORIGINS OF POPULAR SAYINGS

First of all, I love this stuff.

I think some of the sayings are simply amazing in general, and some of the stories behind them are even more spectacular.  I think knowing where things come from is not really a valuable skill - I can't tell the cashier at McDonald's where the origin of "The whole 9 yards" is and get a cheeseburger.

Which is stupid, that knowledge is way better than $1.10 USD.

So while knowing the origins of these sayings is not cash-money - I think being able to appreciate time and place these saying were derived - and also the pride in saying something you actually understand instead of just spouting sayings like a parrot who never thought about it....looking at you, Steve...

So when someone says: 

"Time to kick the tires and light the fires" 

which essentially means it is time to get going

They would be referring to the US Military pilot slang.  What they are actually saying is this:

"Hey Steve?  Steve?  STEVE!  Hey, buddy.  I think it is time to do the pre-flight walk around check and then get into the cockpit and get strapped in - safety first and all, Steve - and then after recieving clearance from the tower we should ignite the afterburner in order to attain the appropriate take-off speed.  Also, is that a new cologne, Steve?  It's nice.

Oh, I am sorry I got your sister pregnant again, Steve."

Ever hear the phrase:

"Break the ice"

which means to create a good first impression and ease tensions between people who have just met

To be perfectly historical about it, they actually are referring to this:

"Hey, do you see that ship over there?  No not that one.  The other one.  Really?  THAT IS A TREE, STEVE.  Do you need glasses?  Why won't you go to the doctor.  Okay okay, I know you already have a mother.  Anyway, do you see that blue ship out there?  Looks like it is kind of stuck in the ice.

Well I have a great idea.  Why don't we send out small ships to these larger vessels trapped or weighed down by ice formation.  These little...oh I dunno, let's call them "Ice Breakers" would go and "break the ice" to allow safe passage of the friendly vessel.  A gesture of goodwill that would happen at the meeting between two separate groups.  But really, Steve - you need to get your eyes checked.  You've just taken two sips of battery acid instead of your coffee.

You need to be careful - you'll be an uncle soon because I think I kind of sort of got your sister pregnant this morning."

Or another random one like:

"Let the cat out of the bag"

which means to uncover a secret 

Now, I think we all know the true origin of this saying came from this:

"Oh, hey Steve.  That sure is a nice bag you have there.  A bag of pigs, you say?  You're going to sell it?  Why, I have an idea Steve.  You and me, we are going to be rich.  No, I won't take my hand off your leg, Steve.  Say - you been working out?  Good stuff, really buddy.

Anywho, so what say you to maybe replacing a few valuable little pigs you have for sale with something less valuable?  Something no one will miss but is still alive so it looks like a pig, ya know?

Sigh.  Put your son down, Steve.  I meant an animal.  Steve, that is your wife.  Stop trying to put her in a bag.  No no, I am saying a cat, Steve!  Put a cat in the bag.  The we can all go to town and sell this worthless cat at a pig's price!  That is, of course, if you don't let the cat out of the bag and ruin the secret, Steve.

You probably will.  God, I hate you, Steve. Even with these Herculean thighs. Mmm.  They remind me of your sister - pregnant."

I mean, hey - at some point even you have probably said or done this:

"Pull out all the stops"

which means to do everything you can

When you said that, you were really reliving this historical origin:

"Hey, buddy.  What's your name?  Steve?  That is a dumb name.  Say, why are you squinting...do you need glasses?  We can talk about that later, Squints.  I mean Steve.

So, I have a problem and I hear you can play a pretty mean organ.  Stop laughing.  Why are you laughing, Steve?  Oh..oh ha ha.  Yes, you can "play your mean organ" I bet.  Grow up, Steve.  

I mean really.

So I have a lot of people and we want some tunes but I am worried they won't all be able to hear you when you play this organ of yours.  Lots of pipes and all, but I wonder how loud could it be?  Oh I see, if you pull that knob out...what did you call it?  A stop?  Okay, so if you pull that stop out it gets louder?  I see...well I want everything you've got here so I need you to pull out all the stops!

Really Steve?  Are you still laughing about the fact that I said you play your mean organ well?You shouldn't laugh - you're just an organ player, Steve.  And I hear your brother just baits hooks down at the pier.  Though he is a master baiter, I understand, it still isn't the best job.

What are you laughing at now?  What did I...oh really?  Master baiter?

Unreal.  Just unreal.  You know who is a grown up?  Your sister.  Oh, and I think I got her pregnant just now."

Perhaps you've said someone was:

"Piss poor" or "So poor they don't even have a pot to piss in"

which refers to someone being very poor. Duh, right?

Without knowing it you were referring to this:

"Oh you're poor?  Oh don't even get me started.  You kids today don't know how good you've got it!  When I was you're age I was so poor...ahem...I was SO poor...

Okay buddy, look I bought you a beer would you please listen to my story.  Okay, good.  What's your name, kid?  Steve?  Ugh - I will never remember that.  Anyway Scott, when I say: "I was SO poor" you're supposed to say "How poor were you?".  That's how this works.

Okay fine Sam, whatever.  Anyway we were SO poor we had to all piss in a pot and once a day I would take the big piss pot down the the local animal hide tannery where they would use the urine to prep the animal skins.  I tell you we were piss poor, Simon.

But the good news is, this guy who lived down the road was even worse off!  He didn't even have a pot to piss in!  I think his name was Steve or something.

Oh.  It was you? I got your sister pregnant that one time? I didn't even recognize you!

Small world, huh?  Haha.  That sucks, bro."

And one more because I know you can't get enough of this stuff:

"start from scratch"

which means to start from the very beginning

Now this story is so commonplace I don't know why i am retelling it, but here goes:

"What did you say about my goat?  OH NO YOU DID NOT JUST CALL MY GOAT A FIERY SATAN'S GOATEE WEARING HOOLIGAN!

Seriously though I don't even know what that means.  But I don't like your face - any man with a face like that is most likely named Steve or something.

Oh, it is?  No kidding.

ANYWAY, STEVE UGLYFACE - you have insulted my goat's honor, so you had better run!  I mean I will catch you and beat you up after.  But I will be tired from running.  Okay, okay.  A choice for you, Mr. Uglyface.

I mean Steve.

I can beat you up without chasing you OR I can just race you and not beat you up if I win.  

Take your time.

Decide.  

Hurry.

OH MY GOD REALLY, STEVE!?  IT IS AN EASY DECISION.

You are the worst.  Just the worst.  Okay, since you can't decide, I will do it for you.  I am not trying to mess up this pretty awesome manicure I just got, so why don't we race?  Okay, deal.

Let me make a starting line here in the ground with this stick.....and look at that!  It is a perfect line.  And are you ready?

Wait wait wait Steve Uglyjerk - get back here and get behind the scratch I made in the ground.  Everyone knows you have to start from scratch.

Uglyface.  Seriously.  Have we met?  Oh that's right! I got your sister pregnant that one time.  Anyway, 3-2-1-GO!"

So there are a few of my favorites.  I have to stop telling them because each one is getting longer and longer.  If I tell another one it may have to be broken up into chapters.

I also have a feeling someone out there may actually believe I know someone named Steve and I hate that person.  Turns out I don't know a soul named Steve so that is why I picked that name.

So, if you are named Steve FEAR NOT!  I do not hate thee.  Not like I do that guy Roger...

Do you have any favorite sayings?  Leave a comment and let me know some of the weird stuff you say - and if you know where it is from - or just say hello.  Or don't - no one does BUT IT STILL FEELS GOOD TO SAY, DARNIT!

Thank you SO much for reading, and I will catch you next time!

Also, don't forget to pop over to my YouTube Channel to see what I am playing and cursing at.  I put up 3-4 videos a week and always appreciate someone having a look.  Don't forget to hit the red subscribe button so you can find it easier next time.

Here is my last video - enjoy!