Work, and other places you shouldn't work 11/15/2014

I sit here at my desk having no regrets.

I like my job.  I like my friends.  I like my choice in footwear today.

Things are good.

But beneath the surface burns something bright and unpleasant.

Something that can only be earned through hard work - through blood, sweat, and tears.

This badge of honor can only be called one thing...

Sick.

Now I don't want you to think I am regretting any of my decisions - I told you at the beginning I have no regrets. This sick isn't the kind that comes from a purely liquor-based indulgence.  This one comes from being at work too much, too much shawarma, and maybe a dash of alcohol.  It also comes from the fact that the air conditioning is trying to kill everyone...slowly.

Here is my advice about work:

Don't.

If only someone had told me...

Now, don't get me wrong.  I like work.  I am one of the lucky few who actually really likes their job. The problem is, even if you like work, it is still work.

It is very similar to the Steak Theorem I just made up.

Even you have a steak and it is dry and tough - it is still good because it is a fucking steak. It is like finding a $100 covered in snot.  It is still a $100 bill - it just has snot on it.

So how does this translate into sick?

All weekend there was a tournament at my school.  I came in to help, even though I really didn't do anything.  

Moral support, I guess you'd call it.

I looked pretty - that is about all I could offer.

It is a massive guilt trip when you can see work from your couch and you know people need volunteers.  So I went in.  I had fun, ate some things, looked at stuff - I was a valuable member of the team. But when you are at work during a weekend, the first day "back" is pretty tough.  Add into that the being around hundreds of teenagers - with average teenage hygiene - and you're going to catch something. I know some people stayed much longer than I did, did much more work than I did, and are probably much worse off than I am.

Too much of work, even if work is a good thing, is a bad thing.

So while the many, many shawarma I've eaten aren't really helping things - they are not the sole culprit.

I don't know.  I Googled "work hangover" and this image came up.  So, there ya go...

The only way to cure this type of sick is to cure each individual piece individually.  And, since I can't cure the being at work thing until I get home, I am going to focus on the other two for now.

Step 1:

Coffee

Now, I am not a great big coffee drinker, but my recent visit to Greece kind of brought it back for me. I ordered a nice little coffee maker from Turkey, which is pretty close, so it will be here by 2017 if customs doesn't take it first.  Until then I have to kind of improvise:

Close enough...

Step 2: 

Eat.

Over the past few days I have basically consumed my body weight in shawarma.  If you've never had it, I recommend finding some ASAP.  An interesting property of shawarma, much like Chinese food, the only cure for eating too much of it is to eat more.

I won't get into the gory details of how many I have eaten today, but the number rhymes with "three" and looks like this:

3

**edit: Before I finished writing, the number now rhymes with "four" and looks like this: 4**

But you can hardly blame me, I mean I am not certain anyone could resist this spread:

Licking the picture is acceptable behavior.

At this point in time I am quite possibly as full as one can be, and all I can think about is the one remaining shawarma in the fridge behind me.  It calls to me.

But maybe I am not being crystal clear here...maybe you're one of the poor unfortunate souls who has never experienced the joy of shawarma?

So I will be more descriptive for you...

Shawarma is when they take this:

MEAT.

And they chop hunks of it off and wrap it up like this:

MEAT.

It is so simple, and yet so majestic.  Much like a couch from IKEA...

I don't know why this exists, but I felt the need to share it with you...\

And to top it all off, I found a week old cupcake in the fridge that is shaped like a baby.

Welcome to your new nightmare.

So, with the help of science coffee and this new, healthy menu I am sporting, I should be right as rain around 6 PM - which, coincidentally, is when I will probably be going to sleep.

Or open a beer, haven't quite decided yet.

**edit: Sleep.  I went to sleep.**

I will spend the next few hours at work trying to convince myself that skipping the gym is what Christ would do, and that me taking a nap is just what the world needs right now.  I think throwing up baby cupcakes and goat meat would be a poor way to spend my afternoon, anyway.

Add in the fact that I am breaking a sweat while eating this final shawarma and I can guarantee it is a bad idea.

But really...