- I just visited India for about 7 days
- It was for work, but I did get to do some sightseeing
- The country itself is beautiful and rich in history and culture
- The toilets in my hotel were comfortable and made my extended stays upon them quite bearable
Now, to my opinions:
Opinion Number One:
HOLY SHIT, INDIA!
STOP MAKING MORE PEOPLE THE DAMN COUNTRY IS ALREADY FULL.
From www.worldmeters.info:
- The population of India is estimated at 1,267,401,849 as of July 1 2014.
- India's population is equivalent to 17.5% of the total world population.
- India ranks number 2 in the list of countries by population.
- The population density in India is 386 people per Km2.
- 32% of the population is urban (410,404,773 people in 2014).
- The median age in India is 26.6 years.
Let's examine this more closely...
18% of the worlds population is in India. There are just under 200 countries in the world today - depending on the mood in Eastern Europe at any given time the exact number does fluctuate, but 196 seems to be where we are at the time I wrote that statistic.
196 countries have 100% of the world's population.
1 country, India, has 20% of the world's population.
China just barely beats out India, and by 2030 estimates have India as the most populated country on the planet.
So, let me analyze these results for you into a nice, neat, scientific conclusion:
KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS, INDIA.
You want to have a kid, India?
Go for it.
You want to have two?
You know what? Have at it.
But if you have 403 kids, it may be time to investigate a little something I like to call "Not having any more babies".
Yes, the population growth is actually on the decline - down to about 1.2% a year. But let me explain numbers to you - 1.2% of a huge number is also a huge number.
The population of India grows by about 16 million people a year. This means India will produce the entire population of the United States in about 19 years.
India cranks out the population of both Georgia and Massachusetts every 365 days.
That is 43,000 babies every day.
Know what that is?
That is a shit-ton of babies. That is exactly what that is.
The country itself is not what I would call "overflowing with employment opportunities" - and no, the huge problem of forced labor camps for children doesn't count. The average income for an Indian is about $1054 a year - and that is decreasing every year as jobs move away from the unskilled and into the realm of educated and skilled workers.
So, what can we do to stem this nearly unstoppable wall of adorable brown babies?
STOP HAVING SO MANY OF THEM. SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU TRIED OTHER HOBBIES, LIKE KNITTING OR NOT MAKING BABIES!?
Opinion Number Two:
Could you please, PLEASE invest in a few trash cans?
Now, I know dirty. I know it when I see it. Where I live now it is nothing to toss things out of your car while driving or walk out of a store, pull your candy bar from the bag, then throw the bag and wrapper at your feet as you walk away.
That is how it is here.
But I feel like even here, the installation and regular attention to waste bins would make the world of difference. I am fully aware the reason we don't all get along is because a vast majority of us are assholes. It is just how humans roll. So I don't expect people to go right out of their way to find a bin, but at least give them the option!
In India, even in my decent hotel, I could not find trashcans anywhere. I am not saying this will clean the whole place up. I am not saying the complete and total disregard for litter and the environment in India is due to a lack of trashcans.
What I am saying is even the occasional not-asshole doesn't really have the option to throw stuff away in a trashcan. At the Taj Mahal I carried around a bag full of trash I picked up. Not for the smell or any real fashion statement, but because there was no where else to put the stuff! I had to throw it away on the bus outside of the entire complex. No cans in the bathroom. So take those paper towels you just used and toss them in the corner like everyone else.
With a population that will soon likely collapse the whole subcontinent into the mantle of the Earth, have a place to put everyone so they aren't standing in their own filth would be a plus. But how to get people to use the bins?
If you want anyone in India to do anything - there is one sure-fire way to make it happen:
Cricket
Waiters stop mid-pour to watch a highlight.
Birds stop mid-flight when the game gets tense.
Murderers will stop mid-stab to watch a replay.
You know what worked in the US? Little basketball nets cans. Man, white people can't resist that!
Maybe try little cricket wickets above all the lids. I don't know the exact engineering specs - I am more of an idea guy, a muse, if you will.
You can do it, India! I believe you can start to turn the pollution - and feral pig problem - around!
Besides, think of all the fun you will have dumping the trash over the border in Pakistan!
Opinion Number 3:
Just be honest - tell people they will get sick as all hell and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it.
I understand this probably isn't the most glowing of all advertising campaigns, but India really needs to own up to this and create a more accurate expectation for the visitor.
Yes, I understand the food is spicy there. I ate the "spicy curry" and yes, it was spicy. I also snack on jalapeno slices so spicy for me is different than spicy for other people. But it isn't the spice that I am talking about - that can be avoided just by not ordering it.
If you ever do decide to visit, you will likely get "The Talk" from no less than 5 people before you go. I will sum "The Talk" up here:
- Don't drink the water
- Don't eat the street food
- Nothing with ice in it
- Don't eat any fruit you don't peel
- Even if you peel it, be careful
- Don't wipe your nose or eyes
I could actually sum it up with an even shorter message: You're going to get to know your toilet well.
Now I know some of you are reading this - maybe you have been to India or know someone who has gone and didn't have the - oh let's be civil and call it an "upset stomach" - but for most people, it is another memory to take home with you.
Here is how this works:
Yes, it is quite easy to order the bottled water where you go. However, things like what places use to wash the dishes, if they don't get the water for the tea hot enough, if you use the tap to brush your teeth, if you shower and water gets into your eyes or nose or mouth or a cut, if someone rinsed your food from the tap, or didn't wash their hands, and on and on and on.
So, here at Mr. E Goes Abroad Incorperated, we have developed this handy-dandy trip planning advice:
Day 1: Arrive in India
Days 1 - 3: HURRY AND SEE EVERYTHING YOU CAME TO SEE! GO GO GO! SERIOUSLY YOU ARE ABOUT TO LEARN ALL SORTS ABOUT YOUR DIGESTIVE TRACT BY THE 3RD DAY SO HURRY!
Day 4: I told you. Oh, did you pack your own 2 ply (at least) toilet paper? I sure hope so. If not, enjoy the new walking style you'll develop. It is kind of like a cowboy who just got off of a horse for the first time in 4 days and has no ability to rotate at the waist.
Day 5: Feeling better? Awesome. Now...hold on. Nope...no you're not. Just go back to the bathroom and try again tomorrow.
Day 6: Smell that curry? Hey - where are you going?
Day 7: Eat at McDonalds for the rest of your trip and never be more than a minute away from a bathroom and 10 seconds away from an Imodium.
Do yourself a favor and invest in a case of these babies:
Sweet merciful nectar of the gods. I love this stuff. If it was legal, I would make 43000 babies a day with it. You are going to lose water out of places you really didn't expect to lose water. Try drinking some - it is basically a race for your body as to which end it will be forced back out of first.
A few packets of this a day will keep you from turning into a human raisin at least.
So India, just fess up and tell people the truth. Plan at least 2 extra days of being attached to the toilet.
When the tourists come through customs and visa processing, just hand them a few packets of hydration salts, a few pills, and a roll of 2 ply. It is the proper thing to do.
So there you have it - three opinions on India.
I would go on at length about how amazing the history and the architecture was of the forts and palaces, how incredible it was to be in the shadow of the Taj Mahal, and how delicious the local foods were. I truly did have a good time touring and working with some amazing people over there that really make a difference and are people I am better for having met.
But, National Geographic and lots of other blogs seems to have that market covered - so I will talk about waves of brown babies, the trashcan-less society it is, and...um...stomach bugs.
Would I visit India again?
I would. I would come prepared with one suitcase full of hydration packets and pills, and another one empty to bring home all the elephant related gear I would buy. It really is an amazing place - and if nothing else, it has impressed me with how much they can do with so little there. The people were friendly and the kids I worked with were amazing - 100%. Unfortunately the country seems to be growing faster than it can handle and conditions don't seem as though they're on track to get better any time soon.
So if you do want to visit, I would go soon before everything is uniformly covered with a 3 meter thick layer of people.
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