It all started last week - Wednesday maybe, who knows? You don't. That's for sure. So let's make it Wednesday.
Ahh Wednesday...
I can teach you.
My kitchen has a dual sink - quite lovely - and while the water was often slow to drain, it had reliably gotten the heck down the drain eventually. However, this Thurs...wait...Wednesday would be different.
The water behaved as water would, pooling up and slowly sliding down the drain. As I stepped back from the sink and into the new pond in my kitchen I was taken aback that the water I had just sent down the drain had sneaked back into my house through the drain in the kitchen floor. All of it. It was a delightful demonstration of the conservation of water. One drop in the sink equals one drop coming up through my drain. Science had rarely seen such confirmation of proof of theory.
I informed the person one would inform about such things on the way to get my medical...
That reminds me...if, in Bahrain, you happen to be - ohhhh I dunno - as pale as me, for instance, be prepared to be the belle of the medical ball as you and 40 of your excessively tan brand new brethren take your shirts off for the chest X-Ray the doctors will promptly lose. I swear if they stared any harder my image would be burned into their eyes for all eternity like a TV you left on the DVD intro screen too long and the image burned in...
Pale people are also delusional.
Anyway, the drain was clogged. I had told the guy you tell about such things - and it is the weekend. So I don't expect speedy delivery of service. But I can't use my kitchen now. The sneaky water prevents me from cooking since I can't wash any dishes. Water in - water out. A real pickle, if ya know what I mean.
Hello. I love you. Let me stink your place.
Hello. I love you. Let me give you gag face.
Sunday comes at work and I am assured through the guy you tell about such things that my place would be fixed immediately. It was now a priority as fleshy bits had started to rise up through my drain and into my sinks, filling my house with an aroma that can only be described as "poisonous" if you were being kind. It induced headaches and I was not keen on having any sparks or open flames around.
Sunday came. Sunday went. Monday for sure! I was promised by the guy you tell about such things that today is the day! I will go home to a...nooooooooope. The smell was worse. Adding to the awesome, the humidity crept into the billions which made not one, not two, but three air conditioners turn into the most delightful zen waterfalls. So it was not to be on Monday. I tried to isolate the small on the first floor but as we all know, zombie chicken smells are a fowl mistress indeed. I woke up with the same headache and the same horrible taste.
BUT TODAY WAS THE DAY! I was double promised by the guy who you tell about such things and it was definitely going to happen. He went to my villa and called it horrible and unlivable. SCORE! Haha! Soon I would be home and not see things in double through a green haze!
You'll never guess...
Oh. You did.
I came home to the putrid. I came home to the haze. I came home to the smell the guy you tell about such things assured me would not be there.
I was honestly depressed at this point. I laid down, but was too upset and decided to go to the store for a few things. When I returned, I did not expect to see the director of my school in a 3 piece suit standing in my driveway. I had sent him an email earlier, and he apparently wanted this fixed.
The bog boss. The head honcho. The big easy. The greasy palm. I don't know sayings well, but here he was. He was on the phone with not one, but two companies. He brought in the guy who you tell about these things and he was there working on my drain with his friend. Soon after a whole van full of the 6 stooges rolled up with pressure washers at the ready. I am fairly certain at this point in time I have the cleanest pipes in the Gulf.
So, not only did my boss take notice, he showed up, supervised and ran calls for two hours while he was supposed to be attending a dinner, and when it was all done...he rolled up his sleeves and mopped my floor. Then, sleeves still a-rolled, he wiped down my sink and told me if anything else happens, to let him know immediately.
I have had a lot of bosses in my day. Most average, a few good, a few worse than slamming your fingers in a car door for 20 minutes after running steel wool over them and taking a lemon juice and salt bath.
I have never seen this before - hell I have never heard of this before.
So I take dumps on his lawn less frequently now. Just goes to show you what a kind gesture and really doing a bang-up job cleaning someone's sink can do for your relationship.
As for the guy you tell these things to, I knew I recognized him from somewhere...
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