One reason I love October 10/2/2014

Oh October, how do I love thee?  

Let me count the ways....

One.

October is the month for Libras and Scorpios to prance and celebrate sun revolutions.  It is the month that includes such fantastical holidays as United Nations Day, Eid, Simchat Torah, Sukkot, Halloween and the ever popular National Nut Day.

October is the haunting month - where demons, ghosts, ghouls and goblins still don't exist.  It is the month where girls in their 20s and 30s dress in all the classic costumes, such as: slutty nurse, slutty super hero, slutty librarian, slutty cheerleader, slutty police officer, and Slutty Slut McSlutterson.  October is the month where guys in their 20s and 30s  show off for these costumed women by putting on face paint, drinking way past excess, and being too old to trick or treat and ruining shit for little kids.  

That's right.  It isn't creepy to dress up like a slutty little girl or a slutty girl scout. **coughcough**pedophile**coughcough**

But October has so much more to offer than your girlfriend's daddy issues!  It has one of the best days ever.  Especially for an American living and working in a country that does things a little different.  Well, to be accurately and to their credit, all countries do things differently than the USA.  I love America and that is my home...but really?  Really?  1 slug is a lb*s2/ft.  What the actual fuck is that?  Why are you determined to keep using units like the rod and the link?  Why is a board that is 1 ft X 1 ft X 1 in. called a board foot?  We can do better, America!

No, I said: "You take the road for 1.3 leagues, then you make a right.  Then you just go another 22 furlong, which is of course 220 chains or 880 rods, down that street.  You'll know you're at my place when you see a mailbox with a red strip that is 0.34 link wide across it."

But the unit thing I can live with.  As a science teacher I keep my knowledge of meters...sorry, "metres"...and kilograms secret so I blend in.  Nothing is more confusing than telling someone in the US that something is "about 10 kilometers down the road" or that you just bought a "kilogram worth of squid chips".  Though the squid chip thing may be weird in any units.  I am just glad they don't exist!

I shit you not.  This is a thing.

So what is it about October that I love so much?  If it isn't the sluts or the Nuts or the goblins and ghouls, what could it possibly be?  It isn't that I dislike those other things.  I can honestly say I have never met a goblin I didn't like.  Those ones in the movie Labyrinth seemed harmless enough.  But being forced to look up at Jareth's codpiece for the entirety of filming would probably make anyone seem worthless and incapable of committing harm.

My name is Penis.  No!  I mean Giant Bulge.  No!  I mean Hoggle.  My name is Hoggle...

Penis.

I have had to keep this new-found joy bottled up for the past 15 minutes or so since I finally realized this new reason to love October now that I am overseas has appeared.  I am so glad you asked what my favorite thing about October really is in the previous paragraph above the Jareth crotch.  

You can't stop looking, can you?  I think it has become sentient. Forget Skynet, Crotchnet is what I fear.

Anyway, I would tell you if you hadn't asked, that is just the alpha kind of male I am, but this makes it less forced upon you.  Since you asked, and since I am writing a blog about this right this very second, (And there are people that don't believe in coincidences.  HA!  I laugh at you) I will tell you.

Crom has a learning disability and laughs at the breeze.

The more you know.

The reason is: the dates.  

I have a thing for numbers.  I don't love them or hate them, but I do count them (high five) among the things I like the most.  Numbers represent dates all over the world, and people have a different way of writing them.  Some ways are good, some ways are bad.

Not that there are good dates or bad dates - even Friday the 13th isn't so bad.  As long as it isn't Freaky Friday the 13th.  That asshole will kill your monkey.

Oh Sallah, thank you for making this blog more about the movies I grew up with than any real point.

That's right, the dates.

As an American I am used to writing things the (apparently) weird way.  June 26 is 6/26.  August 11 is 8/11.  Now this isn't such a big deal overseas when you see a date like 14/2.  I am aware there are only 13 months, so this must be a day-first date.  I got it.  I can think on my feet and work through the solution.  Fucking science, and shit.  But there will eventually be an issue.  There will eventually be a miscommunication.

Oh, you have a wedding on 9/8?

WHEN THE FUCK DO I SHOW UP?  WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?  IS THERE AN OPEN BAR?

Wedding of Whats-his-bucket and Who's-her-Face.  A memorable evening til I blacked out. 

Mazel Tov!

But October, oh you sly little bastard, you have a secret weapon.  I will not look like an idiot for at least one day - well one less possible reason I won't look like an idiot.  

This October 10th, I will write the date on things with impunity!  IMPUNITY!  Oh, that's coming on 10/10.  What day is that?  10/10?  Oh, I know exactly when this is going down.  I will be there for your open bar...I mean wedding.  It doesn't matter what how you write your date, the date or 10/10, much like Schrodinger's Cat, will be both American and International until you decide which it is.  It is an uncollapsed wave function of ones and zeroes that is begging to be observed.

Now, I know what you're saying, "But a lot of months have repeating numbers!"

First of all, stop talking you your computer.  There is a comment box if you need to communicate with me, and although in this case I most definitely read your thoughts I can not guarantee this will be an all-the-time thing.

Secondly...of all...this was a blog on one reason I love October.  If you are so focused on dates like 1/1 or 2/2 or 3/3 or 4/4 or 5/5/ or 6/6/ or 7/7/ or 8/8/ or 9/9 or 11/11 or 12/12 then why are you reading this?  You hate October 10th and that's racist.  Why don't you go beat up a kitten or kill a clown, you racist?

On second thought, go ahead and kill the clown.  Fucking terrifying.

If you don't think people actually get excited about 10/10, just think how pumped these people must be:

Once a month they celebrate their dependenceIn Day

Well, that's it.  This girl Sarah says I don't get excited about stuff, and when I finally get excited about something like this she is all like: "Stop calling me" or "Why are you in my bushes?" or "Are you wearing my panties?"  So go out there and be American or be European, Asian, or whatever your heart desires.  Because October 10th, 10/10, the Great Equalizer, has got your back.

By the way Sarah, the answers are no, because I live here now, and hell yes I am.  Now let's talk about your perfume that we're wearing...