Birthday's, Pulled Chicken Parties, and selling used cars by accident 10/27/2014

Where do I begin, really?

The beginning?

Amateur.

Let me start with yesterday, and then I will go to Friday, hitting Saturday on my way back to Monday.

So the strippers left around 2 or so, but the donkey wrangler couldn't come by until 6.  It was fine because of all the cocaine Javier had left in the dinosaur jar - so staying up wasn't an issue.

Now the thing about swallowing drug condoms is...

Ugh.  Okay, fine.

The truth.

I will start at the beginning I suppose....

This happened on Friday.  For an hour.  For a goddamn hour.

Since it was my birthday on the Friday, I thought I would go and celebrate.  So around 11 in the morning I caught a ride with some friends to the Bahrain Rugby Club to watch some...well...Gaelic Football, actually.

I HAD A BALL GET IT?

A game of dribbles and kicks and bumps and runs - a lot of fun to watch and not fully understand. The weather wasn't being a total jerk and shade was plentiful.  After some pork sandwiches, many beers, and watching our pals play a few games we headed home.

The reason, of course, was that we were going back and the driver wanted to get hammered as well. Which is totally fair and we all got a few restful z's to ensure the ridiculousness would carry on well into the evening.

Let me tell you about the Bahrain Rugby Club - when people are playing on the many fields it is very nice.  Lots of space, no one was wearing neon body paint and running around naked yet, and beers were fairly priced, plentiful and cold.

Then the sun went down.

As did the standards and morality....but in a good way.

Let me give you an example:

Before

After

VIP Seats, yo whaaaaaat whaaaaaaaaat okay fine I sneaked on to the field.

See the difference?

You can see in the second one - if you look closely - I was very drunk when I wandered onto the field to take pictures.

What made the difference?

You want to buy a case of beer from the bar?  We can accommodate that.

Want a pail of white wine?  Go for it.  We will even let you have a marker to draw stuff on your cup. Oh, I mean your arm.  Now your face.  Now your friends face.  Oh this has taken a turn, hasn't it. Give back the marker.  No?  Stop drawing on me.  Please?

You want to pay less than $8 for a beer?  Wrong place, pal.

But to be honest, a lot of these people live in dry GCC countries.  When they have a chance to have a few, they have a lot.  Even the kids were out of control.

I said I wanted a silly straw, you useless bastard!  Silly!  This is a perfectly normal straw!

To be honest, the best part was all the people.  The worst part, if you could call it that, was THE UNBELIEVABLY LARGE AMOUNT OF WHITE PEOPLE OH MY GOD THEY WERE EVERYWHERE.

It isn't that I hate white people, I don't like all kinds of people equally, and being of the pale-as-hell persuasion myself I can't say I am not used to the skin tone.  I like white people.  I even have white friends.  I don't treat them differently.  See how amazing and fair I am?

It was just a mild shock to see all of them at the same place at the same time.

Inside one of the many beer distribution centers where you can have an $8 Amstel Light if you want to wait 20 minutes.

The party was wild, the party was good.  Friends wandered off one by one and I was running out of money so I got a cab home.  I was tired - too tired to argue the fact that it was somehow 8 BD to get there and 12 BD to get home.

Time and space are weird here, like I have mentioned.

The next morning came and I woke up.  

Sometimes that is a surprise to me.

But while the pleasant effects of too much to drink were still running through my brain sack I decided something.  I made an executive call that would change the world as we know it not really but still.

I decided to cook for everyone again.

I KNOW!

After the deep fried success of Taco Tuwednesday I decided to down the ante and make something that didn't involve 4 hours deep frying.

Pulled BBQ Chicken.

Seriously - if you've never cooked anything in your entire life, you are probably over-qualified in the kitchen to make this.  Yes there are a lot of recipes online that call for things like "ingredients" but who has time for that?  

Not me.  

Okay I do but it's a good thing I didn't because I was about to accidentally help sell used cars.

Step 1:  Put chicken in crock pot with some BBQ sauce and cook it.

Step 2: Eat it.

I did have to make the cole slaw by hand, which was way more difficult and involved a total of 6 ingredients.

I AM A GOLDEN GOD OF CHEFDOM.  BASK IN MY DELICIOUSNESS.

I needed a hair cut.  I wanted to wait until right before I left for Greece later this week, but Jaffar made me promise I would call him that day.  He wanted to show me Hamad Town - where he grew up and where he currently lived.  Up I go, get lost and follow the roundabouts of death and drive over freshly sanded roods as is customary when going somewhere in this country, and meet him in what seems to be a parking lot to nothing.

This isn't something I am not used to - being confused about things is kind of a pastime here.  I mean, I did buy the Deathtrap Mobile in an abandoned quarry/cab stand lot in the middle of a city next to a Naval Base.  

I am used to it.

It quickly becomes obvious he is selling some cars, I am used to him being a wheeler and dealer.  

Where did he get them?  I should ask.

"A friend of mine"

Ah yes, the universal answer that also means "stop asking questions."

I take a look at one he is selling - reasonable condition with a reasonable price.

It fell off the back of a truck and that is why I have to sell it before I get arrested.

Apparently when I looked at it, the Bangladeshi gentleman who was actually there to buy it thought whitey was going to buy the car from under him.  I unknowingly assisted in a quick sale, and we celebrated with haircuts*.

*Hair cuts here are not like they are in the United States.  They involve head and face rubs, shoulder tweaking, lower back adjustment and a lot of creams and oils that make me smell like the princess I really am.

I make it home with 3 minutes to spare to my own party and the night goes off without a hitch.  The chicken was devoured, the kids were entertained, the grown ups had conversations.  Another cooking success!  Already decided I will do breakfast night next time.

Oh, I almost forgot...THEY GAVE ME LIQUOR!

SQQQUUUUEEAAAALLLLLL!!!!!

I got a book about Route 66 from a very good friend back home and there is an amazing present from Australia that is working its way here soon as well.  I also got some great homemade cards from the kids down the street who stared at me for an hour on Friday.

All in all I did pretty well for myself - and I am not throwing up here at work, so that is a plus also.

HAPPY BERFDAY MISTER RYAN!