My day off, and other stories of rage 10/12/2014

I love the feeling of ease and comfort knowing you have a whole day and no real plans.  Ahhhh.  You wake up and don't get out of bed right away.  Sometimes you actually smile as you stare up at the ceiling.  You don't look at the clock as you shuffle to the bathroom and you don't shave your (insert body part here) when you shower.

"You know what?" I thought in a chill manner to myself, "I may not even shower today!"

The thought of it!  Then as I walked outside and the Sun punched me in the face I realized maybe since I am covered in perma-sweat here in this desert world of Bahrain, I should wash up some.

"Forget about the curve ball, Ricky.  Give him the heater."

So I clean up and make my way down stairs to a bowl of sugary delicious children's cereal.  May have been a bowl and a half because I purposefully misjudged the cereal-milk ratio to provide such an opportunity for myself.  I am such a rapscallion!

I open up my computer and see that a few downloads have finished.  A game about tanks?  Yes please!

My day is just packed!

I hear ya, Bill.  I hear ya.

But, I need to feel like I have accomplished something during the day, so I resolve to go shopping for some food.  Why not?  I need mixers for my liquor anyway.  I guess I could get food also.

Off I go to find pants of some kind and my keys.  Into the deathtrap-mobile I go and turn the key to hear it turn over and sta...

Wait...

*click*click*

Nothing.  Car is completely dead, this battery is so dead even the "HOLY SHIT YOUR DOOR IS OPEN I'M GOING TO FREAK OUT!" bell wasn't going off.  Okay, sucks but okay.  I have jumper/booster cables so I can figure this out.  I contact a friend - seriously one of the nicest people I have ever met in my entire life...and his wife and 2 kids are just as awesome - and he says I can use his little roller-skate car to try to jump mine.

I walk over - it is maybe a 2 minute walk - so I am soaked by the time I get there for the keys.  I take the roller-skate back to my deathtrap-mobile, (DTM) and hook 'er up.  I have jumped more cars than Eval Knieval.  I have boosted more cars than Nicolas Cage in Gone in 60 Seconds.  This will work.

This did not work.

Maybe it's just flooded?

It would crank over once, sometimes twice, but it didn't have the juice.  Maybe some RPM's from the roller-skate would do it?  I could ask for a hand.  Easy.

But, being an idiot I try to do everything myself, so I grab a stick from the house and position it in such a way that it presses on the roller-skate's pedal for some RPM's.  Better, but still not enough pep in that step.

Well, I know what to do when you try and fail...

I was so angry I would have tackled a horse.

Seriously, I had had a beat-down style week.  Yeah, Taco Tuwednesday was a hit and I did drink a lot, but little by little things added up and after just spending all of that money on the deathtrap-mobile, (DTM) this was not okay for me.

It isn't like I can pop over to Autozone and get a new one or call AAA.  This would be a severe pain, and things like car batteries cost a lot of money here.  And if it failed once, we all know it will fail again.

So, much like an adult I did what any adult would do at a time to really show what you're made of...

I went into my house and calmly explained to the empty space around me: "I WILL BEAT A MOTHERFUCKER WITH ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKER!"

Then I Googled it.  Because,well, Google...

Everything exists on Google the second you think of it.

After emoting this feeling in what could only be described as a grown man-child who lost his favorite rattle, I was having I decided I wouldn't get mad about this.  That just wouldn't do.  I would have to get way more than mad.  I would have to get the kind of mad you only see on cartoons like Dragonball Z...

Let's face it - most people had lives and friends in college and don't know what that is.  I may have been studying thermodynamics with a bottle of Jack and som cartoons.

Allow me to illuminate...

I was seriously waaaaay over 9000...I was THAT mad.

I was just about broken.  I had had enough.  The constant fails through the week and the consistent nagging problems I have been dealing with all finally brought me down.  This car battery was the last straw.  That's how badly this sucked.

Straw...sucks...see?  It's a joke because...oh never mind...

How angry was I?

I was miffed.  I was a bit taken aback, I guess you'd say.  You wouldn't want to say anything, I was too busy keeping it not only not together, but letting it spread so far out light itself couldn't keep up with the expansion.  It was going hyperlightspeed.

It was soon after that a clock fell off the wall.  Just fell and exploded on impact.  I was sitting on my couch and down it came across the room.  Shattered everywhere.

I left that son of a bitch right where it fell.  Still there now.  May still be there tomorrow.

Zero fucks given about that clock right now.

But I will get some food.  Eating always makes me feel better, so I will take the bike to the nearby Alosra Market.

About halfway to the store the back tire went flat.  Nail.  I peddled it anyway.  Feeling every stone pummel my ass.  Yeah, I don't even care that my ass was being pummeled.  Have at it.  Pummel me, baby.

I had food at least.  Sure while I was gone another piece of wall decor had fallen and shattered on the ground - I learned only later it was because the AC in my house had broken again - but I was so angry I don't know if I could have gotten any more so.  I thought I was so hot because I was upset. Turns out it was just my AC breaking in the desert for the 4th time in two months.

SCREW IT I AM MOVING TO ALASKA!  IT IS COLD AND THERE ARE NO FLAT BIKE TIRES BECAUSE NO ON RIDES BIKES THERE.  I will get some dogs and a sled and and and...

Well...shit.

I know me.  I know I can fix all of this.  I have had days like this more than I should like to admit. However, there is about a 12-16 hour period where I need to blow off steam.  It was already about 6 pm.  Just had to make it another 4 hours and I could sleep.

What are the odds that everyone back home would pick that 4 hour window to say hello?

OF COURSE IT IS 100%.

9 people decided to try to contact me in less than 90 minutes.  7 of them I had not heard from in weeks - some in months.  They just all cosmically agreed now was the right time to say hello.  There are a couple people I talk to on a daily basis, those I let filter through because we are a bit closer.  The rest can just hold their horses.

Please, I know I am very lucky to have people in my life who care about me.  It is just at this point they were all very talkative.  Somehow my phone went on silent and the rum almost poured itself.  I didn't care how bad it tasted.

I'll have two.

After finally deciding to respond to everyone so they didn't think I was dead again I asked they please just catch up with me tomorrow after the window of destruction has closed and I get started on the busy task of getting it all back together.

I know it will be okay and I am very lucky to have people "around" who care about me.  I have spent a lot of time convincing people I am bad news and they should stay away, because I really am a handful and I like being alone maybe a little too much - but a very stubborn few have stayed with me.

But on a bright note, I finally got the online World of Tanks game downloaded.  I think tonight I will sit down and just zone out and play a few rounds.  What is the worst that can happen?

OH, SON OF A BITCH!