So, about my dream last night.
Look, I have a lot on my mind. Work, papers, workplace interactions (avoiding them), and I also watched some guy play a scary video game on YouTube this weekend.
I am living life on the edge, people.
So all this stress really comes and hits hard, giving me some pretty intense dreams. This one, well this one was possibly the most intense yet.
What did I dream about?
Wait, what?
That's right. I dreamt, (I looked that up - and now I know the differences between "dreamt" and "dreamed" so I am pretty much done doing stuff for the day) about a damn hamburger.
Now, TO BE FAIR it was a Double Whopper®. See that "R" in a circle? Yeah. You know it is a serious burger. That is a Registered Trademark burger so don't even THINK about trying to make one yourself.
The Burger King will end you.
This exists. This. Exists. I didn't make this. IT. EXISTED ALREADY.
So, the worst part was I made my order, my way and everything, and before I could get the food I woke up. The best part of it that I do remember is my food order was taken - and I had a back and forth about a lost bank card - with this guy:
Oh...it's that guy from that thing...
I got to work early and immediately tried to identify the guy that took my order at Burger King Dreamland.
I know that guy! It's...it's that guy! You know, from that thing!
Shit.
After finally figuring out one movie I knew he was in, I visited IMDB and lo and behold, my friends; It is Blake Clark, everyone!
Yeah not in a million years would I have figured that out without my good friend Google.
Side-note: If you haven't installed IMDB, (Internet Movie Database) on your phone you have basically been wasting that Smart Phone technology. It is the closest thing to a life line since someone actually called a bit of rope a life line).
There is an insight into my unconsciousness. Apparently when I sleep my brain isn't quite done thinking about what I spend a majority of my time thinking about.
Food.
In fact, when I go shopping today after work I am basing my entire trip around one particular snack that is only at one particular place in Bahrain. When you see it, you have to buy all of it or you may not see it again for months.
MONTHS.
Now, TO BE FAIR they do have similar type snacks here, even ones made by the same company. But it isn't the same. You know how it is.
When I lived in the United States there was only one snack food that had the key to my heart.
Only one man and his beautiful blue bag of angel kisses.
Of course, I am referring to the one, the only:
Now, I was surprised to learn that some people had never heard of Mr. Capp. So, I shall share a few highlights that demonstrate what an amazing and talented individual this fictional character really was:
Now, if those photos of this great man didn't do enough convincing, I shall present exhibit D:
DO YOU HAVE A STATUE!? NO. NO YOU DON'T. AND YOU'RE REAL.
But I submit for your approval that the comics, the books, even the Andy Capp musical, aren't what make this great (fictional) man great. TO BE FAIR those other things are pretty cool - but his pièce de résistance my friends, is this:
You may have to shield your eye like they did in Raiders of the Lost Ark lest ye be blinded by the heavenly light.
Now, there are a lot of snack foods out there. Tons. But these have a special place in my heart...mostly around the cholesterol infested bit, for many reasons.
First of all, they are suuuuper healthy - you can tell because they have the word "baked" right on there.
Secondly, they only cost 99 cents. Well, they did until right before I left for overseas, then the price rose to an OUTRAGEOUS $1.19.
And third, while there are many flavors to pick from, they were wise enough to include my favorite flavor of just about anything:
Hot.
Hot. Hot Fries. YES!
Spicy may be the best flavor of all time!
Is that pizza tasty? MAKE IT SPICY.
Oh, I see you are enjoying some spaghetti? SPICYGHETTI IS BETTER.
WHO PUT THE HAI IN THAI FOOD!? (Just go with it) SPICY. THAT'S WHO.
If you don't have a hot sauce holster you don't know what livin' is!
If you ever have the chance to get your hands on these puppies, you don't want to pass it up.
It would be a direct insult on me if you refuse the Hot Fries.
But to answer your question, I am writing about these because there is a terror lose in this world. A demon, perhaps. And the only way to exorcise a demon is to know its name. So, if you ever come face to face with this demon I want you to be prepared:
BEHOLD THE FOUL IMPOSTOR.
Now this is difficult for me to shame the name of Chester. He creates the snack I am going to go to fetch today. Chester makes a fine Cheeto. And it takes about all of the self contraol I have to ignore the other horrifying products he endorses.
No.
What!? NO.
ARE YOU JOKING ME!?
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Natural? HOT FRIES ARE THE ONLY HEALTH FOOD FOR ME! Nice try, jerks.
But regular Cheetos? Yes. You may exist. In fact, I will even eat you.
I won't acknowledge your Flaming Hot honcho.
I won't bother with your Puffy pal.
And I sure won't have any words to say to your Mixed Bag buddy.
But you, Regular Cheetos, you can stay.
...
UNTIL I GET ACCESS TO HOT FRIES AT WHICH POINT YOU CAN GO STRAIGHT TO CHEESY POWDER HELL.
There is a report of a snack called Burger Rings I have to try. While not available here, I will be able to get some this summer. AND DON'T YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND I WON'T BLOG ABOUT IT BECAUSE REALLY AM RUNNING OUT OF STUFF TO TALK ABOUT IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
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