This is what you are all asking yourselves, probably daily.
It is worth serious consideration and I have a few theories:
1. Where?
See that mirage that looks like hiking here is a stupid idea? It is no mirage.
No really. Where? The sand sometimes becomes rock so that's cool and all. But the only way to "experience nature" here is to drive past the camel farm or go to a mall with a pet store. Yes, the Tree of Life was amazing. But let's just say that after you see the tree, the desire to have a bit of a stroll around the area is about zero to none. There are some great sights in this country - Amwaj Island, the Gulf beaches, some great buildings and architecture, but none of these things require North Face Grip Master 4000b Trail Blazer X-Treme's.
Look at the scenery okay all done.
But, even with all of this, there are hills and some crags to hop around on. There are some camp grounds and trees to climb. There is enough to see to make hiking something at least a small but loyal population would engage in...so I don't think the sights is the reason why people don't hike in Bahrain.
2. The heat
Now I should actually preface this with the fact that it is cooling off here. I drove the Deathtrap-Mobile all over last night and had the windows down. Well, the one that goes down was down. The reason I was enjoying the night air is twofold: One, it is getting to be nice out at night, and two, the Deathtrap-Mobile has a buzzer that sounds almost constantly now and it drives me insane. The wind noise helps drown out the madness.
Even so, the cooling off during the night doesn't really promote hiking. Night hiking in the desert actually makes the natural spectacular views we just talked about less spectacular - if that were possible. But here is a temperature map of Bahrain, they say it is a "multi-color temperature map of the island of Bahrain"...
Let's have a look:
Well, it is very patriotic.
The fall is quite pleasant so far. So maybe the heat isn't the reason during the fall and winter. But allow me put it to you this way, during the summer months there is only one look on my face when I go outside...
ಠ_ಠ
Let's take a step back and recap.
Okay, so I have admitted there are actually some pretty stunning views here.
I have acknowledged the temperature during the fall and winter is actually kind of nice here.
SO WHY DOESN'T ANYONE HIKE HERE!!??
I was looking for some hiking shoes for my upcoming trip to Hydra, and I thought I would ask around where to get hiking shoes. Almost no one had any real idea where to go. I was shocked. This is when I first learned about the lack of a hiking population. But there had to be some trail shoes somewhere!
Ah, I finally asked the right person. They directed me to the City Centre Mall in Manama.
You'll know it if you ever see it. It is the size of a small aircraft carrier and has a goddamn water park in it:
Yes. That is an indoor yacht. Just go with it. The water slides actually go outside and come back in also. Why? "Why not?" is a better question...
But this mall has everything - I would surely find the shoes I was had in mind. It was promised! This shop, which is a very sporty shop indeed, was guaranteed to have the products I was looking for. There was no way their extensive, and probably expensive I knew, selection would disappoint! This was my gold mine!
Let me just run you through how this went down:
Me: Excuse me, where are your trail shoes?
Employee: My what?
Me: Trail shoes, like for hiking.
Employee: No hiking here.
Me: Okay. Do you have durable shoes or boots here?
Employee: Yes sir.
Me: Good! Can I have a look?
Employee: But no hiking you see.
Me: Yes? I promise not to hike here. Can I see the boots, please?
Employee: You want the ones for walking on the rocks?
Me: Sure. Wish I had thought of that, but yes.
I get the language barrier and I was genuinely laughing at this point - not at him - at the way conversation often goes here. I am always so impressed this whole country speaks English at some level, but the communication often gets hilarious. Back to the story...
So we walk through the store. The anticipation is building inside me. Oh man, I see the Northface Display! IS THIS IT!? WILL I FINALLY GET MY SHOES!?
Let's listen in:
Employee: Here they are!
Me: There are 3 pair of shoes here.
Employee: Yes sir.
Me: And those are pink.
Employee: Yes sir. For the women.
Me: Ah. Two pair left then. Do either come in a US 12?
Employee: No sir.
Me: You don't want to look to be sure?
Employee: No sir. I know this.
Me: Really? How about US 11.5?
Employee: No sir. Just the display pair come in 12.
Me: But you said...never mind. Which pair?
And he pointed to these:
BAHHHH I AM BLIND!
Okay, a little...much...for me and not at all what I was looking for, but he seemed very proud of himself so I picked them up. They were flimsy and so very blue, but I wanted to at least give them a look over because I worked very hard to get to this point. These...shoes...were so far from something I would wear they were actually orbiting the Earth. These blue...shoes...were So Far Away Dire Straits wrote a song about them.
But then I saw the real reason people don't hike in Bahrain.
It isn't the scenery or the beauty of the country. It is a beautiful place, in certain areas.
It isn't the heat. There are downright pleasant weather conditions here right now.
It was simple. The selection of shoes was a little slim, but they did exist. So what was the real reason?
It actually was inside the shoe itself. I saw it, kind of glittery out of the corner of my eye as it fell out of the shoe and dangled in front of me.
THESE BLUE TURDS COST 74 BD!
Okay, okay. Let's have a time out and let me do some conversions for you...
The conversion from US Dollars to Bahraini Dinars (BD) is 2.6 or thereabouts.
What this means is for every BD, it's *about* 2.6 US Dollars. 10 BD would be *about* 26 US Dollars.
Now it takes a while to get this down. My trick is to multiply by 3 and then back off a few.
So let me refer you again to the shoes.
THOSE BLUE TURDS COST 74 BD!
That is about $197 US Dollars.
For two. Blue. Turds.
They really seal in the moisture.
I would rather slam my fingers in a car door for three minutes while being shot with a fire hose shooting salt while a lime juice rainstorm passed by - all while a cat high on crystal meth was shoved into my shorts than pay $200 USD for those two blue turds.
I would rather be shoved into a microwave with a stomach full of aluminum foil than pay $200 USD for those two blue turds.
I would rather watch Steel Magnolias than be seen in those two blue turds.
So after I un-swallowed my tongue when I saw the price tag, I quietly put them back on the shelf and turned on my heels and retreated into the mall. The employee happily tucked the tag back into the shoe and didn't ask. I must not have been the first. I will likely not be the last.
So if you ever wondered why people don't hike in Bahrain, it isn't the weather or the scenery. It is the fact that no one who is sane would spend $200 on a pair of sneakers that are just a little less fabulous than Liberace wearing a bright blue leather cat costume in a club called the Blue Man Hole.
Payless, here I come!
Ya know what? Close enough...
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